Saturday, December 16, 2006

*Lydia Loves Lucky*

my cat has a breathing problem. my cat has a heart problem. my cat is hospitalized.

my cat collapsed and spasmed this afternoon. i was scared out of my mind. i'm scared right now. the doctor says he has a heart condition. his heart is enlarged. his heartbeat is irregular and beating uber quickly. and because of that. his heart doesn't have the time to pump out the blood to other parts of his body. thus the fainting episode. he also has fluids in his lungs. and the doctor says if he isn't treated. he'll have heart failure.

heart failure.

i don't know what i'd do without lucky. he's always there for me. and i was rarely there for him. it's all my fault. i just wanna hold him in my arms right now and tell him i love him. and that i'm sorry too.

i've the sudden fear that just now was the last time i'd ever see him. i would just die. my world would just die. my heart would just die. i'm really really scared. i really don't know what i would do without him.

it really is my fault. i never really did take care of him properly. all the late nights. and days. when i'm not at home. but he never fails to be there. waiting patiently at the door for my return. he's my best friend. and i was a jerk.

i really hate myself for doing this to him.

i miss him so much. am gonna go visit him everyday.